The author in his prime

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

The Annual Nottextusa Awards for Outstanding Fuckwittery

Afternoon all.

Well, the end of the year draws near and it would be remiss of me to allow 2015 to slip into the 
ether without acknowledging some fine, noteworthy fuckwittery, gobshittedness or foilhattery
 in the field during these last 12 months.

So I can exclusively announce that the categories are as follows:



Biggest Troll

Most Feeble Comeback

Best Performance by a Supporting Sock

Most Obvious Sock

Most Cringeworthy Moment

The "More Tinfoil, Matron" award for Spectacular Conspiralunacy

The Best Use of Knowledge Gained from Wikipedia

The Most Outrageous Fibber

The Pedro McSporran Memorial award - a special award in the gift of the academy,
 for spectacular fuckwittery above and beyond the call of duty

The Antony Bennett Memorial Gobshite of the Year award

.....the evening rounds off with the most sought after award of all

The Twat of the Year, 2015

Competition is, naturally, fierce, but it's not too late to nominate your favourite. 
Entries close on 30th December. 

Monday, 21 December 2015

Is it because he's Blackie?

The Skulking Loon has posted pages of dribbling nonsense about the Blacksmith's Bureau posts, which I can't be arsed copying over.

So let's settle for this summary


"Blacksmith believes that Madeleine was abducted. Blacksmith does not believe a word of what Martin Grime said. Blacksmith says that the Tapas group as a whole were so ashamed of their poor child care arrangements that they hastily made up false details of their 'checking' regime. Blacksmith says that the abductor is still at large and that Madeleine could yet be found alive. Finally, the theory of Blacksmith is virtually identical to those of the McCanns and of Operation Grange. That is why his attacks on CMOMM have become so vicious of late, now accusing us all here of a deep need to hate people and being guilty of a type of 'Jewish blood libel'. Make no mistake. This is deliberate hatred by Blacksmith towards this forum"  

So, Baldybonce, a few questions:


  1. Where does Blackie say that he believes Madeleine was abducted?
  2. Where does he say he does not believe a word Martin Grime says?
  3. Where does he say that the Tapas made up false details of a checking regime because they were ''so ashamed''?
  4.  Where does he say the abductor is still at large?
  5. Where does he say Madeleine could yet be found alive?
  6. What are the following theories: The McCanns, Operation Grange's, Blacksmith's
Oh - and I'm looking for actual quotes - not simply your claim that they are all contained within an article, or your liberal interpretation of something completely different.

And of course he refers to your gaff as a cesspit. It IS a cesspit.

Oh incidentally for anyone wanting to read Blacksmith's words for themselves, the blog in question may be found here
http://madeleinemccannaffair.blogspot.co.uk/
I would strongly recommend people do so, rather than the ''cut up words for a ransom note'' version the Whinging Tramp has offered you

Friday, 4 December 2015

Achtung!

Well, the Balding Tramp is in fine form today. 

Some of the troops have dared to disagree with him. Clearly this can't be allowed, so off he goes, shouting them  down and ridiculing them. And before anyone says ''But Nottextusa, that's exactly what you do to him...." you are right. I do. But the difference is, I'm right and he's wrong, and I do so here, which is my gaff, and if he doesn't like it he's perfectly at liberty to fuck off at his earliest convenience.

So let's have a look at some of the shite he is coming out with


REPLY: Discredit one crèche timing???
3 question marks - that is El Trampo's way of saying ''you are a fucking idiot; I spit on your grave'' 

Here is a list of 19 separate problems with the crèche records, compiled IIRC by HideHo:
Ah yes - the créche records. Never, in the field of human conflict, have a few scraps of paper been pored over by more fucktards

1. Cat Baker for some reason starts entering the words ‘Cat nanny’ on the crèche sheets from Monday 1st May.
No!!!! Oh my God, this could blow the case wide open! Seriously, what the fuck? 
2. The morning and afternoon creche records should have been on two separate sheets. There were in the other groups. Yet the Lobster group records were kept on one sheet instead of two.
So fucking what? Maybe they were short of sheets! 
3. The Portuguese Police in July 2008 issued a DVD with nearly all the witness statements and documents on them. However, they withheld the creche records for the group in which the McCanns ‘ twins were placed for the morning of Sunday 29th April. That could be because there was incriminating evidence on them. 
And it could be because they had been mislaid - to assume they had incriminating evidence on them is top grade conspiralunacy. 
4. The Portuguese Police also withheld the twins’ crèche records fr the morning of Thursday 3rd May.
No they didn't. Their absence does not mean they were withheld, loony. 
5. Nanny Charlotte Pennington is missing from the list of crèche staff given to the Portuguese police by Donna Hall of Mark Warner on the 4th.
So? How is that anything to do with the creche register? 
6. Nanny  Stacey Portz claimed that Gerry Mccann signed the twins in on the afternoon of 3rd, but the crèche sheet says that Kate McCann did.
So what? She was mistaken. 
7. Stacey Portz claimed that Kate McCann collected the twins on the morning of  the 3rd, but Fiona Payne gave evidence that Gerry McCann did this.
Again - so what? Witness testimony is often inconsistent. 
8. The signatures of parent Robert Naylor are significantly  different every day.
Big deal 
9. Robert Naylor enters the wrong room number for his room every day.
Again - big deal. Maybe you have the wrong room number for him. He seems consistent; B1 
10.  Russell O’Brien enters ‘Emma’ instead of ‘Ella’ for his daughter on the 1st May.
No it looks as if someone else was writing it in and misheard 
11.  Russell O’Brien enters the wrong room number (5B) for his room (which was 5D) on Monday 30th April.
Oh dear - what a calamity 
12.  Russell O’Brien enters 5B again, but then changes it to 5D, twice on Wednesday 2nd May.
Call the police 
13.  Russell O’Brien enters ‘R O’Brien’, instead of his daughter’s name, on the same afternoon.
So he wrote in the wrong column. How is that suspicious? How is any of this suspicious? 
14.  On enlarging the McCann & Naylor signatures, there are several identical writing styles starting from the 29th, suggesting at the very least that one.parent might have signed in more than one child.
So what? It's no big deal if they did. Often the person with the pen will fill in the names for a group arriving together 
15.  On Monday 30th April, Madeleine is mysteriously signed in at 3.15pm and then out again just 15 minutes later at 3.30pm by Kate McCann.
Most likely to be a mistake and should read 17.30. Even if she was signed out again, so what? According to your lunacy she had disappeared by then 
16. Kate McCann’s signatures on Madeleine’s Lobster creche record on the same day look different from those on the twins’ Jellyfish creche record.
Are you a handwriting expert? Then don't offer an opinion on something you know nothing about. 
17. For some reason Kate signs herself ‘KM Healy’ instead of ‘K McCann’ on one occasion - on Wednesday 2nd
She was usually know as Healy, so it was probably done on autopilot. 
18.  Kate McCann does not sign Madeleine into the Lobsters group at all on Tuesday  1st May
So what? Her father did! 
19.  For some reason, the Portuguese Police’s final report does not mention Sinead Vine, the twins’ carer almost every day, but only Stacey Portz.
And your point is what? 

Surely to goodness Kaz you don't 
accept these crèche records as accurate?

Do you????
More aggressive question marks, Baldy?  

You and your collection of tagnuts like Hidehalfwit, the extensive sock drawer and the Simpleton Chorus  - Verdi, Aquila et al - are pulling the world's collective plonker. 


Thursday, 3 December 2015

Lying Lunatic

Time for some more from the Lying Lunatic.

As ever, he is engaged on:

Mission:Make people believe Madeleine died before the 3rd May

Consequently, he comes out with this bollocks. Bennett's bollocks in blue, in keeping with tradition 


So let's now look at a summary of Inspector Pinho's report. Remember the issue is not whether there was a 'mini-sail' that morning - there was - but whether Madeleine went with the rest of the group.

Place: Praia da Luz, Lagos Officer responsible: Manuel Pinho, Inspector - SUMMARY:

Pinho: "Today (10 May 07), accompanied by Joao Barreiras and Catriona Baker, the 'nanny' responsible for the missing minor, we retraced the places and times at which they left the resort area to go to Praia da Luz. We were told by Catriona that they went to the beach on Thursday between 10 and 11 o'clock…and that Catriona, with Madeleine and 4 or 5 more children, walked toward the beach - about 100 metres".

But Alice Standley accompanied the children on the route and on the boat. Three children sailed with her.  Chris Unsworth transported the children in a red amphibious boat (a life-saving boat) until the boat reached the open sea, and, a few minutes later, returned them to the beach to pick up three other children from the group.

Both state that the children did not have any contact with anyone else during the time they were at the beach, as was the case also during their walk to the beach.

So, both these witnesses, according to Inspector Pinho, deny that Cat Baker went sailing with Madeleine’s group that morning. Neither, it appears, did either Alice Standley or Chris Unsworth say that Madeleine was in either of the boats of three children that went sailing that morning. There were 7 children in the Lobsters group.

It looks like the other six children in the group all went sailing, in two boats of three each, but that Madeleine did not.


So we have to make a choice.

Do we believe Cat Baker?

Or Alice Standley and Chris Unsworth?

So, lets see what the report ACTUALLY says, because when Baldy ''summarises'' something it usually means the truth gets lost. The following is the actual report, not Baldy's interpretation of it

 Description and Result of Activity:

On this date, in the company of my colleague Joao Barreiras and Catriona Baker, the nanny responsible for the missing minor, we reconstructed the locations and the moments when they left the resort, in the direction of the Praia da Luz.

A photographic report was made, which is attached. 

We were told by Catriona, that in the last days they went to the beach on Tuesday afternoon (01 of May 2007), between 15H30 and 16h30, on Wednesday (the next day) at the same time and on Thursday between 10 and 11h00 (see attached map).


The following route was taken: 
1. The parents leave the children in the Mark Warner “BABY CLUB”, which is situated next to the principal resort reception which is open 24 hours; 
2. Next, Catriona, with MADELEINE and 4 or 5 other children, headed in the direction of the beach on foot. The walk was about 100 metres, although not in a straight line;
3. The infant educator always went in front with the children following, and all held on to a “summy snake” (a long snake-like object that allows the children to walk in single file);
4. After leaving the “BABY CLUB”, they descended the stairs to the main reception, went through the entrance gate and crossed Rua Direita (principal road of Praia da Luz) in the direction of Beco das Palmeiras; 
5. Next, they turned right in the direction of Beco de Nordeste, and afterwards turned left and descended stairs next to a house called “Casa Ortiga” and which is numbered 17; 
6. At the bottom of these stairs is situated Travessa das Redes; 
7. Upon crossing this street, they descended along a parking area, in the direction of the boardwalk, which is situated along the beach; 
8. Afterwards entering the beach, they walked along the boardwalk until they arrived at a zone with a red awning and various parasols; 

During the first two days, the children played and made activities in the sand. On Thursday they sailed close to the beach. 

On this day the sailed in a small yellow catamaran. 

Employee Alice Standley accompanied the children during the sailing trip made in this boat. Three children at a time would travel in her company. 

Employee Chris Unswork transported the children, in a red amphibious boat (life boat), to the embarkation and a few minutes later, would return them to the beach and then pick up the 3 remaining children from the group.

All state that the children did have any not contact with anyone else during the time they were at the beach, neither during their walk to the beach. 

All state that they did not see anyone suspicious looking at the children or in the surrounding areas. 

Catriona states that she no notice anything out of the ordinary during the trips she made to the beach or returning to the resort. 

Signed by the officer in charge.



So, let's count up Baldy's lies, shall we?

''But Alice Standley accompanied the children on the route and on the boat.''
Well, the report actually says '' Employee Alice Standley accompanied the children during the sailing trip made in this boat. Three children at a time would travel in her company.''
There is no mention of her accompanying the children on the route.

''Both state that the children did not have any contact with anyone else during the time they were at the beach, as was the case also during their walk to the beach.''
The report actually says '' All state that the children did have any not contact with anyone else during the time they were at the beach, neither during their walk to the beach. ''
All includes Catriona, who Baldy seems to imply was absent

''So, both these witnesses, according to Inspector Pinho, deny that Cat Baker went sailing with Madeleine’s group that morning.''
Complete, barefaced, Baldy lie. They say nothing of the kind.


'' Neither, it appears, did either Alice Standley or Chris Unsworth say that Madeleine was in either of the boats of three children that went sailing that morning''

At no point in the report is this referred to. There is no indication that they were asked, or that the question needed to be asked 


'' There were 7 children in the Lobsters group.''
Lie. The register clearly shows there were six children present, including Madeleine


''It looks like the other six children in the group all went sailing, in two boats of three each, but that Madeleine did not.''
Complete lie. Brazen, barefaced lie.  

So I make that 6 barefaced lies in one post. Defend that, arsehead.